I think my own vision of myself was shaped by the way other people saw me on online platforms. I used to post what I wanted other people to see of me; not to show anyone I was good enough, but for them to see me as the person in those photos. I needed them to create an image of me in their minds in which I felt safe.

Ultimately, this habit leads to allowing a space to be full of you, but not having it mean anything. There is no reassurance that this idea, this picture of yourself which you want to have, is actually the way people see you. You start to accept that the only form of self-expression you will ever have is bound to a platform which creates abstract personalities. You forget that you are a real, living person and whatever you put out is open to a subjective vision of you. I believe there is no true meaning to wanting people to see you as the person that you are creating online, but which you do not see as yourself yet. Sometimes it feels like a cry for attention, a need to feel sure of oneself. When you put out a photo/thought, you can then be at ease.

‘loading... your image is being created.’

Like a drug addict; the more views you obtain, the better your vision of yourself becomes. Of course, maybe people are just proud of their work. But why can’t we be proud of ourselves without the world looking over our shoulders?

I needed a platform in which I did not have to create myself, but in which ‘Merel’ was already present. I feel no desire to know how many people read or see my work, nor do I feel pressure from the outside. I just need to feel that whatever I am creating gets the space it deserves. A space in which my vision creates itself.

A space in which my vision creates itse